Tag: love

Therapy Tuesday

Megan TeneaLeave a comment

Triggered – Jhene’ Aiko

Before embracing being “Single Again”, was Triggered. It’s nothing like a good old nasty breakup. Both parties confused and don’t know what to do. Going through withdrawals and feeling every emotion possible. “I thought this was what I wanted”, “It is what I want”, or “We can just remain friends”. Then you really start to think about the time you spent, things you did, and evaluate the adjustments you gotta immediately make to ensure you don’t have any moments of despair. Moments where you’re instantly reminded of the person you’re trying to get over.

 Initially you’re okay cause like Usher said “You don’t have to call”. You go gather up your girls/boys and hit the club or the kick back and get a few numbers to engage in rebound activity. Or you take the high road and remember who TF you are. You find a hobby, start working out, or engage in some extracurricular activity to distract you that is until you just can’t take it no more. Some of y’all gone probably go fuck ya ex ex and regret it. Days go by, reality sets in and then you start to resent that person. It’s even worse when you start thinking they out and about having a good time, living their best life when naturally they gotta be thinking the same thing about you, especially if it was real. Like I wasted my time and energy on this shit. I don’t even like you but I gotta share a kid with you? It was a bigger picture, but you just running a muck like you don’t even care? Man it don’t even matter, plus we most likely came to this agreement together, so our feelings should be mutual even when the reality checks in. Tit for tat, You start to remember all the bad and it trumps the good.

So why TF to I even care, cause I don’t think he/she do. People gone think all kinda shit now. We was a power couple, us never them, #Goals to some, last month it was “All I need in this life of sin” Now we over, #nothing. I just wanna see them, but I don’t want them. They gone miss me, right as soon as I stop missing them.

HOW DO I GET PAST THIS? Try music therapy and the steps below……

*DO NOT TELL ANYTHING (ESPECIALLY TO FAMILY) THAT YOU COULD REGRET SAYING ABOUT THE EX. ESPECIALLY IF YOU HOPE TO MAINTAIN ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON* You could possibly get back together and it could make you look foolish.

  1. Separate yourself – It’s going to be hard to go from lovers to friends especially if emotions are involved. Take the time and space to heal
  • Don’t try to forget, just forgive – Good and bad will remain regardless, work towards forgiving
  • Practice self-care –  Care for yourself the same way you once care for your relationship
  • NEVER TAKE IT PERSONAL – Know that your worth is not defined by the status or success of your relationship.
  • Write it out, Talk about it – Take the time to express how you feel. To get it off your heart, you may find that talking about it, helps gain clarity.   
  • Don’t (TRY Not) go back, especially if it was toxic – Maybe it didn’t work for a reason. Realize that rekindling may not be the answer to your loneliness and it most likely won’t solve the original problem that you had.
  • Find the lesson in all of it – Learn from your success and failures. It will help with bettering yourself for your next relationship. Who knows maybe yall can come together and sing about it on a track. See yesterday’s review for “Single Again”
  • I’ve found that its not much a little music therapy can’t fix. Make a or download a breakup playlist. Dance and sing along, eventually you’ll start to feel better.

Rhythm and a Boo

Megan TeneaLeave a comment

August 20, 2019

When you hear r&b, what comes to mind? For me it triggers memories, thoughts of love, breakups, dancing, images from old school music videos, convertible popped rides, soothing words and bubble baths, long kisses in front of the projects (lol think 90’s videos, No I know I’m not from the projects). I mean I could literally go on and on. It’s not just R&B honestly all types of music will trigger some kind of emotion and most likely a memory.

Let’s talk about modern day dating. For me it’s normally hit or miss. No literally, listen if he fine fine, he got some shit with him run sis. When he’s undeniably a sweetheart he tries to smother you (Major peeve let me be) I said run. The one you kinda into, offer’s no consistency and or other important traits but seems to expect it damn he got you, I told yo ass to run. I’m speaking from the experience over the last year or so, not dating all these personalities at once. Although if I was, I wouldn’t be wrong another conversation for another day.

But what ever happened to R&B love or (love song chivalry)? Where the man actually pursues you and shows his interest or how much he really like you? The kind where he’s been watching you but was nervous to attempt to pursue you because he was just that into you. It’s like there were no upfront questions to be asked, because he had studied you before he even approached you. He wanted to make sure he was really attracted to you and your mannerisms before he even took that step with you. Then he brainstormed and thought about how to best approach you. They were so optimistic in getting a girl, she was his even before she was his. That’s important in any dynamic of wanting something just for you. Loyd even prayed Player prayers, and included God in the pursuit of his woman. These days they question god. Instead of asking, then looking to find it in that Woman. When Jay Z made a Song Cry, we saw the type of man (personality wise) didn’t even matter. Even the hard core dope boys showed they could relate and played those songs high with all the windows down LOUD. They loved us hard, so hard they was ready to defend and be loyal to somebody they just met and just simply wanted to get to know. Then comes r&b rap where LL Cool J and Boyz II Men rang out to admirer’s all over singing Hey Lover. (that’s low key a fave) However old school love songs was made for everyone to listen and relate to. #BRINGITBACK It made commitment, trust, loyalty, chivalry, and being solid look practical and fun. I won’t go too far and say be faithful but Jagged Edge had men singing Let’s Get Married and dancing to the alter. UGK even had his boys and the barber right behind him looking like a lynch mob, singing International players anthem (I choose you Baby). Then you know its real cause even his partners know how he feel. DISCLAIMER THIS IN NO WAY APPLIES TO ALL MEN.

I know some of you are still out there but I bet the ladies will agree that it’s slim, I mean real slim. Some of them gone say to none but I believe better. On all the old school love stories, and hardcore drama movies you definitely gone hear a good r&b song spewing in the background. Color Me Badd was tryna sex somebody up in New Jack City. Try me, just go see. I mean they convinced you to give them a chance with a simple song, and sometimes a well thought out gift to compliment the gesture. Pride was never an option, that man fell to his knees and got his ass right back up to try again if necessary, sometimes with the same girl. Even the break up songs ended up with the love interest falling in love with someone else. Someone better than he/she had before. Carl Thomas had me somewhat confused with I wish, but he got it together cause shortly after he was out dancing in Summer Rain. Listeners immediately considered trying it again with someone else (F that). These days it’s like, I’ll never do that shit again (*side eye*lol). I say all this to say, ladies if you’re like me… Single, and mingling, looking to eventually stumble into your life partner. Let’s try a new approach and don’t entertain unless their tryna Love you like R&B. Hopefully I’ve restored some faith in a few of you. Now go on, Go listen to some jodeci, or better yet head over to Apple music and check out the latest #SpreadLoveGoodMusic playlist entitled “Music is my love language”.

What is your favorite 90’s song?